Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
