Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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