just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
