pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
