you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
