Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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