ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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