i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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