# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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