good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
