you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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