She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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