Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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