Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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