Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
