I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize