Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize