Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
