tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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