when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
