sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
