So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
