I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
