just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I love you. Go after that dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
