Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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