He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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