So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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