Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
