he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize