also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
