I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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