You just made me feel so damn special
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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