Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
