I'd wear matching sweaters with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
