You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
