Are we in a gay sports bar?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
