I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
