i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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