You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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