She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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