So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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