Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
