she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
