is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
