Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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