man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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