I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
