dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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