My friends, they love my intelligence
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
