They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
