it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
