If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
