I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
