Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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