My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
