Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
