my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize