I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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