I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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