I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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