don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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