She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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