you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
