whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
