Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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