Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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