:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
