I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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