'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
