JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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