I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
