This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
